Welcome to My Digital Diary
This is where I am going to write and dump and share all my personal secrets and fantasies. Due to that this page is 18+. I am vulgar and crass and when I get sad things will get dark and I speak quite bleakly. I'm a young woman in her early twenties who yearns and lusts. I will be talking about sex and relationships and the like. That's all for now, i'll TW the blogs individually when necessary but for now enjoy your time in this corner of my mind.
.5 Entry
8/21/25
I think there is something incredibly humanizing and freeing about the prospect of posting and creating in this digital space. I see this as a space outside of myself and my everyday life. That may be an incorrect assumption because I see this passion project (website building & coding) becoming an immediate, more important part of my life. I am so excited about this.
For some context I really struggle with authenticity. I am 21 and recently graduated with my bachelors in political science. I am navigating life for the first time without something immediately planned for myself on the horizon. I plan to use web design as a homage to myself and a way to free myself from the performances that plague me everyday. Mostly due to modern social media like insta, tik tok, and even my tumblr to some degree.
With those pages I feel like I'm constantly being watched.. because I am! And that feeling watched makes me inherently preformative even when I don't mean to be. I only have 1 person from my life that knows me irl on my personal tumblr (not to be confused with my fandom one) and even though she's one of my best friends, I find myself being careful with the things I post and say. A once personal space/ safe haven has turned into what all my other socials have turned into, a stage with the spotlight shined on me.
I've always loved using my tumblr, instagram/ spam pages, and any corner of the internet I can find as a digital diary, scrapbook, notebook, etc. But I have found that a lot of joy is lost when I feel like a performer and I find myself censoring the things I say or share because... monitoring spirits, I don't want to upset the masses, and a slew of other things. Thus this webpage was born. this is only the intro and I'm very much a beginner so.. gonna figure out how to code cool shit so I can make this diary more diary entry like. ttyl.
1st Entry
8/24/2025
I'm considering this my first real entry because I have finally coded the journal page so that it's not just a block of text on a blank html doc. Anyways,I went out with my pookies last night. There’s a bar in our small hometown and they have a dance floor. Not a nightclub but as close as we’ve got. I do deeply struggle with a lot of insecurities (like most ppl lol). Getting ready was a lot on me emotionally? I just keep having feelings of not being pretty enough or cute enough to go out.. I dunno. By the time I was finished getting ready it was fine. I looked like hot shit and I felt like hot shit and me and my friends had a great time. The dj could have been better, I wore a mini skirt because I wanted to shake ass but he was not playing any shaking ass music. I was lowk very disappointed lol. We’re going again next Friday so hopefully there’s more bad bitches and the dj is better lol. I’m not a big bar/ going out person but one of my best friends got a job in the town she went to college in which is about 7 hrs from our hometown and she moves back 9/5. I’m so fucking excited for her and this wonderous opportunity and sad for me because I’m gonna miss her like hell and I was just getting used to us living in the same town again (since finishing our undergrads). It’s okay, it gives me another reason to travel/ visit her and I know our twenties have beautiful things in store for us and we will live in the same state again! No doubt.
I love women but the gay agenda in my hometown is slim asffff. 2 things on the topic of boys. Men piss me off at the club. Like no one shoots their shot or genuinely flirts. Like they just hover over you while you dance and stare at you until you catch eyes (not in a hot way) and then just stare harder. And half the time they’re chopped!!
I’ve always been a more mid-sized woman and I’m Black in a predominately white place + I look very alt. So when I do get male attention I feel inclined to take it even if i’m not attracted to the guy. A guy at the club was mid to me and he was hovering and staring and we locked eyes and he smirked a “yea i’m looking at you” smirk. And he wasn’t hideous so I smiled back and kept dancing. If I would have leaned in or made a gesture we would have talked but no. I’m trying to work myself out of feeling like I have to take up men on their “affections” just bc I don’t get attention from them often. Also if you really wanted to make a move make a move. Staring and sharking is not move making bby girl.
Anyways that’s it for now. I will be updating this site and journal soon because I have so much to learn and so much I want to do. Until then, xoxo poet.
2nd Entry
11/14/25
Okayyyy long time no see pookies. I've been very busy since my last entry. I have a job but it's mostly remote so i've been going a bit stir crazy. I picked up a seasonal position at barnes and nobles which i'm quite excited about. Get to meet people and i love to read so all around a good deal i think. I'll update about that when my training starts and I get a feel for the place.
As for the tea... dating. since i've graduated and worked remotely I had no way of meeting people so I figured I'd give dating apps a real chance. its been abt a month with hinge... and its interesting. most of the convos go nowhere or stop abruptly. which is fine, you're going to miss more shots if you're shooting more buckets, etc etc. I secured one coffee date pretty early on. it was okay.. he was nice and the convo was decent but i dunno. there was a disconnect. then one of the og 3 guys i matched with, he's only free on weekeneds and i've been super busy with halloween stuff and my birthday is 11/4. I like him a lot but maybe too much? like at first i was fine with the casual intamcy of maybe seeing him and watching a movie and we fuck halfway through bc be deadass what else are we doing in his appt. past 8 pm... but like. I don't think i'm in a place for casual sex. or to drive 30 minutes to a man just to fuck.. like i dunno. and trusssst. i'm horned up. but i have great sex with myself. so a man, woman, anyone JUST offering me sex is not going to be appealing.
Some extra context for my blog babies - I turned 22 on the 4th and i've never been in an actaul realtionship. When i was 19 i was having semi consistent casual sex with a girl but we ammicably stopped when i moved away. All that to say that like, i've never had good sex with a guy. I fucked one and it was so mid i barely remember it at this point. literally like 1/2 a body in my head. But sex is just not everything to me and i can't/ don't see myself connecting with people just over sex bc it's not that important to me. In my heart I know i want to date. I want to get to know people and form genuine connections but everyone just wants sex. a guy i macthed with on bumble, his opener was literally "looking for a fuck buddy, throat goat". like please be so deadass. Anyways i'm in between talking to og guy and this girl i went to school with. no clue where either of those might go but i'll come back and update soon. I also have a lot of stuff i want to add to this blog soooo, expect updates, or not, i dunno. bye blog babies talk soon. xoxo.
